You’re Not Doing It Wrong, You’re Just Carrying Too Much

“I don’t know why this feels so hard.”
”Nothing is technically wrong, but I’m exhausted.”
I feel more irritable than I used to, and I don’t like it.”

I hear some version of this every week.

Not from people who are falling apart, but from people who are functioning.
They’re showing up.
They’re doing what needs to be done.
They’re managing responsibilities at work, in relationships, and in their families.

From the outside, things often look fine.

Inside, though, it feels like everything just takes more effort than it should, and you can’t explain why.

When Everything Takes More Effort Than It Should

For some people, this looks like irritability.
Maybe feeling more easily annoyed, less patient, and working really hard to keep frustration in check.

For others, it might look like pulling back, holding emotions in, or an underlying feeling of dissatisfaction that you can’t explain.

Sometimes it looks like anxiety.
Sometimes it looks like numbness.
Sometimes it just feels like, “I’m not coping the way I used to.”

Different experiences.
Same underlying pattern.

Different Experiences. Same Underlying Pattern

For many people, this doesn’t mean a total breakdown. Rather, it feels like everything is taking more effort than it should.

Being more bothered by small things than you used to be.
Having to work harder to stay patient or professional.
Replaying conversations over and over and wondering why you reacted the way you did.
Feeling drained at the end of the day without being able to point to one obvious reason.

It’s subtle enough to brush off, but persistent enough to be a pain in the butt.

When Stress Starts to Feel Like You’re the Problem

What I see far more often than actual failure is this:
People are carrying more than they truly have the capacity for and then blame themselves for struggling when it feels like too much.

Life has gotten heavier in ways that are easy to minimize but difficult to escape. The mental load is constant. The responsibility to manage expectations, relationships, emotions, and outcomes doesn’t really shut off. There’s less margin for rest, fewer places to put things down, and very little room to not be “on.”

But at the same time, the bar that people set for themselves hasn’t changed.

Many capable, high-functioning people still expect themselves to be calm, productive, patient, emotionally stable, and on top of all the things - all at once and all the time.

When that becomes unsustainable (and it will), the conclusion usually isn’t, “This is too much.”
It tends to be “Something must be wrong with me.”

When Functioning Doesn’t Mean You’re OK

This is often where anxiety and perfectionism jump in and take over.

Anxiety looks for control.
Perfectionism offers certainty.
Self-criticism can feel oddly productive.
Almost like if you just push harder, manage yourself better, or figure out the “right” way to handle things, this feeling will go away.

The problem is that people stop seeing limits as normal and start seeing themselves as the problem.

Instead of recognizing overload, people tell themselves to work harder.
Instead of questioning the weight they’re carrying, they question their own competence.

These patterns aren’t random. They are predictable responses to pressure that hasn’t let up.

And the more effort it takes to hold everything together, the more discouraged and irritable you feel, which just convinces you that you’re really not handling things well.

You Don’t Need to Be at a Breaking Point

This is often where people get stuck.

You’re still functioning, so it doesn’t feel “bad enough” to ask for help.
You’re capable, so you assume you should be able to manage this on your own.
And because nothing is obviously falling apart, you keep pushing, even as your patience, energy, and ability to deal with things slowly fade away.

What gets missed is that struggling doesn’t automatically mean you’re doing something wrong.

Sometimes it just means you’ve been running at or over capacity for far too long.

A lot of people come to therapy believing they need better coping skills. What they really need is a more accurate explanation for why things feel the way they do.

If any of this feels familiar, that’s not an accident.

I wish more people understood this:

Feeling irritable doesn’t mean you’re becoming a difficult person.
Feeling disconnected doesn’t mean something is broken in you.
Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing at life.

Often, these are warning signs, not character flaws. They are signaling that something needs attention, support, or adjustment.

Therapy isn’t about teaching capable people how to try harder or manage themselves better.

It’s about slowing down and truly understanding what’s happening beneath the irritability, shutdown, or dissatisfaction, and making sense of the anxiety, pressure, and self-blame before they take over.

When stress responses are treated as personal failures, you tend to push harder instead of getting support. That’s when things usually get worse.

If you’re wondering whether working together would make sense, you can learn more about my approach here or schedule a free consultation, and we can talk it through.