Going Back to Work After Baby: How to Handle the Guilt, Exhaustion, and the New You
So, you’re heading back to work after having a new baby. Or maybe this isn’t your first kiddo, and now you’re juggling work, a baby, and a toddler who suddenly has VERY BIG FEELINGS about absolutely everything.
First, pause and take a deep breath - you’ve got this. Sure, it’s a big transition with a lot of moving parts, messy feelings, new logistics, and exhaustion (so much exhaustion). But you are not alone. Millions of moms have done this before you - and while it might not be easy, it’s absolutely doable. Dare I say…it might even come with some unexpected perks.
Guilt, Relief, and Everything In Between
Let’s be honest - going back to work after maternity leave is a lot.
One minute you feel like you’re drowning in guilt for leaving your baby. The next, you’re relieved to have an actual adult conversation and get to drink a beverage in peace and while it is still hot.
Both feelings? Completely normal. Completely okay.
You might cry on the way to work. Or in the bathroom. Or in the Starbucks drive-thru when the barista asks how your day’s going. But you might also feel a tiny spark of your old self coming back when you slip on your work shoes (and step out of the stretchy pants you’ve worn for who-knows-how-many days).
You can love your baby more than life itself AND still need a break from 24/7 mom mode. You can feel torn, yet empowered, all at the same time.
If this isn’t your first baby, you might be juggling a new level of chaos - figuring out how to split yourself between work, a baby, and a toddler with opinions about everything from breakfast cereal to which shoes they absolutely will not wear.
Managing Guilt
Honestly, the feelings of guilt come with the territory. But, it’s important to remember: taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you love your baby any less.
There’s a reason people say, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” You’re also teaching your children that moms are strong, independent, and allowed to have full, meaningful lives.
If the mental load is feeling like too much, therapy for parenting and anxiety can help you you feel more supported and better equipped to handle everything coming your way.
The Relief (Yes, It’s Okay to Feel It)
That relief you feel when you get to have a warm coffee, an uninterrupted thought, or a meeting that reminds you you’re good at what you do? That doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. It means you’re human - balancing your own needs and motherhood.
Taking breaks from each other is good for both of you - so you can come back together with patience, more presence, and more energy.
The Exhaustion Factor: How to Function on Little (or No) Sleep
Let’s not sugarcoat it - working on broken sleep is brutal. Add in a toddler who wakes up at 4 a.m. to share a random thought about dinosaurs, and you’ve entered next-level exhaustion.
A few survival strategies:
Lower your standards (for now): This is not the season for big home projects or a new workout plan.
Caffeine is your friend - but so is water: Hydration and real food help keep you upright.
Go to bed earlier when you can: Those precious late-night hours scrolling Instagram or TikTok? Tempting - but sleep is your real lifeline.
Tag team if possible: If you have a partner, divide and conquer. No partner? Look for small ways to offload tasks.
Give yourself grace: Some days, you’ll crush it. Other days, you’ll show up with spit-up on your shirt. Both days are normal.
Finding and Trusting Childcare: The Emotional Labor of Letting Go
For many moms, the hardest part of going back to work isn’t the job - it’s handing your baby to someone else. Whether you’re choosing daycare, a nanny, a relative, or some combination, it can feel impossible at first.
What helps:
Visit ahead of time: Getting familiar with the space and people helps ease the worry.
Create a goodbye routine: Consistency helps your child and your heart. The less drawn out the process, the better it will be (eventually). Some moms like to read The Kissing Hand the night before or use its “hand kiss” ritual as part of their goodbye. It’s a small but powerful way to stay connected, even when you’re apart.
Expect an adjustment period: The first week (or three) might be bumpy. There may be tears — yours, your child’s, or both — and that’s completely normal.
Remind yourself: You chose this option for a reason - your child is safe, cared for, and will thrive with other loving adults.
You are NOT abandoning your child - you’re trusting them to be loved by someone else while you grow, too.
The Identity Shift: Reclaiming Your Space in the Working World
Going back to work isn’t just a schedule change - it’s an emotional shift, too. Not only are you showing up for meetings and deadlines, but you’re still healing from childbirth, navigating hormone crashes, leaky boobs, and bone-deep exhaustion.
You’re not the same person you were before maternity leave - and that’s okay. You’re more tired, yes - but also wiser, more efficient, and clearer on what really matters.
Some days, you’ll feel like you’ve got this after leading a big meeting. Other day’s, you’ll question every decision. Both are normal. Be patient. This “new you” is figuring it out - one day at a time.
Make the Morning Dash Less Chaotic
A few survival strategies to make the morning rush feel slightly less like a circus:
Practice the routine in advance: Dry runs help you figure out how long it really takes to get out the door.
Prep like a pro: Lay out clothes (your, theirs, everyone’s) the night before. Be ready for a last-minute toddler wardrobe change.
Pack the bags early: Daycare bag, pump bag, snacks, whatever else you guys might need - do it ahead if you can.
Test the pump (if applicable): Make sure all the pieces are there. Nothing says “rough day” like forgetting a vital pump part when you feel like you’re about to burst. Trust me….no need to find out the hard way.
Expect the meltdown: Some kids might cry when you leave. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It will get easier.
And please - cut yourself a little slack. Some mornings you’ll nail it. Other mornings, everyone’s still in their pajamas. It’s all normal.
A Reminder: You Work Because You Love Them
I tell moms this all the time - and I say it from personal experience. I work because I love my kids. I always knew that I wanted to have children, but I also knew I wasn’t wired to be a stay-at-home mom. We were all better for me recognizing that early on. My kids have been loved and cared for by other amazing adults, and they’ve gotten to grow, play, and build relationships beyond just me. That choice - working - was one of the ways I showed up fully as their mom.
And here’s what surprised me the most -
When I picked them up at the end of the day, I wasn’t running on empty. I had missed them - yes. But, I was also ready to be “mom” again. Even when the tantrums came fast and furious (and they did), I had more capacity to handle it because I’d had time to be my full self at work. That time apart didn’t weaken our bond - it helped me protect it.
You’re allowed to know what you need. You’re allowed to build a life that works for your whole family - including you.
You’ve Got This (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It Yet)
The first few weeks might be tough. But, you will find your rhythm - and one day soon, you’ll be reassuring another new mom that she’s going to be just fine, too.
So take that deep breath. Sip that (hopefully hot) coffee. And remind yourself - you can do this. You ARE doing this.
Need Help Managing the Mental Load?
If the stress, guilt, or overwhelm is too much to carry alone, therapy can help. I help working moms calm the guilt spiral, feel more present with their kids, and juggle all the moving pieces - without losing themselves along the way.
Schedule a free consultation and let’s make this transition a little less chaotic - and a lot more compassionate.
